Duration 16:43

4 Habits of ALL Successful Relationships | Dr. Andrea & Jonathan Taylor-Cummings | TEDxSquareMile

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Published 21 Jun 2019

ALL relationships face a similar set of hurdles. We all need to be equipped to get over the hurdles, so that our relationships don’t just survive, but thrive. Based on over 20+ years’ experience of working with countless couples, Dr. Andrea & Jon Taylor-Cummings share their observations of the 4 fundamental habits that all successful relationships exhibit. Dr Andrea & Jon Taylor-Cummings are co-founders of Soulmates Academy – an organisation on a mission to reduce relationship and family breakdown across the globe, by proactively educating people to develop strong relationship capability. As a key part of this vision for social change, they help organisations equip people to build healthy relationships at home so they can perform better at work, improve wellbeing and mental health, and achieve better work-life balance. As City professionals and entrepreneurs themselves, over the last 20+ years, Andrea & Jon have leveraged their first-hand experience of the inevitable relationship challenges of high-stress careers to help countless couples strengthen communication and relationship skills, overcome challenges and improve happiness. Andrea & Jon are recognised authorities on the subject of couple relationships and marriage, with numerous public speaking engagements and several TV and Radio appearances in the UK. Their book is due out soon. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

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TEDxTalks

English

Global Issues

Communication

Education

Family

Happiness

Mental health

Relationships

Social Change

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Comments - 1442

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@Sshevaniantooa5 years ago I wish more adults would spend time watching things like this instead of scrolling around on social media. Its never too late to grow and learn together. 5131
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@firstcomeslove23215 years ago People go where they feel welcome but stay where they feel valued. That says it all. 4266
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@leuchtag14 years ago 1. Be curious, not critical = appreciate difference
2. Be careful, not crushing = fight or flight is selfish -gt; conflict boundaries -gt; care 3. Ask, dont assume = discussing issues
4. Connect, before you correct = communicate value and appreciation, holding back on criticism, people stay where they feel valued. ...Expand 1483
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@bonzwellness23165 years ago Did y' all hear her whisper " mental health" to help him get back on track? That' s a partnership! And the way they look at each other while they speak is kinda beautiful. 2179
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@frederickitt71653 years ago We need morecoaching like this instead of all these male and female " dating coach" profiles teaching you how to string the other along or manipulate each other emotionally. This was refreshing!. ...Expand 742
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@tic95635 years ago My parents!
i am so proud of what you have achieved. Keep it up.
edit: for those wondering, my mother is indeed jamaican, my father is from sierra leone. 4262
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@wisdomspacecounselling2814 years ago Wouldn' it be so good if we would learn this at school? My life would have been a lot easier and less painful. Who agrees? 756
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@janetDT19045 years ago My husband and i have been together for 10 years and without knowing it, we put all these guidelines into our marriage. We talk about our values, we put . ...Expand 808
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@YourWingmam3 years ago this also highlights the importance of choosing a partner with values and beliefs that are compatible with yours. Attraction and even love isnt enough to maintain happiness in a relationship. 1370
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@tijaduno34175 years ago U can' t solve a problem with the same level of thinking that got u there - einstein. 1056
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@FatNebraskaMom5 years ago Man, this is true. My husband and i broke up after four years together, were apart for three years, and then we got back together and have been strong . ...Expand 575
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@sara_b5 years ago 1. Be curious, not critical
2. Be careful, not crushing
3. Ask, dont assume
4.
youre welcome! The speech is great nonetheless). ...Expand 6370
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@skateness2 years ago She quietly whispered mental health to get him back on track while still nodding in agreement. Thats love. 46
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@DanaShemeshPro5 years ago True! But its only work when both sides have self-awareness and willing to make a change! 791
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@bmay88185 years ago Communication. That' s it. That' s the only thing everyone needs to do to have good/great relationships, assuming you have a certain level of compatibility . ...Expand 632
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@heatherhail69752 years ago What you said makes total sense. Thx for your epxerince! My experience from bed is trying natural drops spanish fly (my best friend recommended it to id="hidden11" me) and i feel like god after 5 drops of it. I thought it is nonsence but actually it hepled me a lot. ...Expand 275
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@annaadams86ful3 years ago Intentional relationship habit
1. Be curious, not critical (invest in the time to consider the different thinking ability)
2. Be careful, 3. Ask vs assume (communication we respect)
4. Connect before you correct (be deliberate to find a meaningful moment in the relationship). ...Expand 107
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@kgiovanni94435 years ago I love how she feed him his line. Have each others back! Great talk. 343
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@sushmakumari89744 years ago You cannot solve a problem with the same level of thinking that got you there . 109
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@ewilliams80995 years ago I did not know healthy relationships were a benefit to public health. I like this video. Its very important. 371
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@Sunshine-Moon23 years ago My husband and i have been together 14 years. I' m always willing to hear and learn new things on becoming a better wife. 72
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@goncanouenochbisd564 years ago The irony is most people here don' t have enough patient to go through 16 minutes video but want to keep a good relationship. Pooaa. 284
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@PlanetC645 years ago I love the mutually supportive body language. Walking the talk. 180
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@marvinbienaime20125 years ago Ask and not assume is a huge one for me. 230
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@FeonaLeeJones5 years ago Both people must be committed to growing together otherwise someone gets outgrown. 174
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@jennakfae2 years ago People simply don' t know how to love each other which is why videos like this are essential. And not loving yourself leads to choosing the wrong partner. Love in action is a constant practice let' s keep learning. 34
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@martoafro3 years ago I appreciate every single one of the last 16 minutes and 42 seconds spent on my smartphone. 3
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@itzelpaz84205 years ago Unhappiness in marriages also affects children. 585
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@sonyaberkenpas50714 years ago When she helps him with his train of thought at and whispers mental health.I drank the kool-aid. 86
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@soundharyas43634 years ago My parents are in a hard place right now, they are constantly angry at each other, fight about silly things, and be disappointed in each other. They are . ...Expand 120
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@eugenawoodson38162 years ago I also love how he looks at her everytime she speaks.
this was powerful. 6
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@tundihenna35075 years ago I love how she helped him out when he forgot his part. 92
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@tonyaharris65933 years ago The respect they have for one another is everything, it made their love stronger. Thank you! 18
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@marinaketelslegers89965 years ago Omg look how they listen to each other. 60
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@KevinFremon5 years ago Such an important talk and one of the best tedx speeches i' ve seen in seen in quite some time. Couldn' t be more perfectly timed with where my wife and i are at in our marriage. Thank you dr. Andrea and jonathan! 193
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@aprillajom3 years ago " we invest on things we value" indeed! 2
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@itsbelle31afrique3 years ago The lady speaks so calmly, so comforting. 1
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@phoenix39964 years ago Truly love yourself at first then you can love others. 12
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@PinkYellowGreen20234 years ago Preparing for my future husband by educating myself with the opinions of others is awesome! I had no idea that so much information existed! 13
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@jillschmidt4 years ago Such a great talk! " people go where they feel welcome but stay where they feel valued. " so many good points made here! 17
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@marrylfaham59034 years ago " you can' t solve problems with the same level of thinking" einstein. 39
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@Janebeatriceejim5 years ago Brilliant. The world so need this to correct breaking away of marriages, mental health issues on teenagers and adults, breaking away of ideal moral id="hidden18" values, and look what equality and mutual respect can achieve. Bless you two. ...Expand 14
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@dr.squidwardburr76612 years ago I found this a much more refreshing offering than the typical:
" we keep on telling men to be better men, and we just simply can' t figure thank you!. ...Expand 2
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@frozen30832 years ago ' we all invest in the things that we value' well said. 2
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@comfortkabanshi50484 years ago This woman has such a pleasant voice. I can listen to her whole day. 7
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@ethan_groot2 years ago 1. Be curious not critical =gt; no one is perfect. Don' t just look to negative side, see the positive beauty too.
2. Be careful not crushing 3. Ask don' t assume =gt; instead of making all stories (assumptions) just go and have a talk (ask)
4. Connect before you correct =gt; understand him/her, understand the situation, the feelings, the things they are going through before you judge them.
line 1 > you can' t solve a problem with the save level of thinking that got you there.
line 2 > people go where they feel welcome but stay where they feel valued.
those are things i understood
feedbacks are welcome. ...Expand 14
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@hollyherald73244 years ago This couple' s talk is so seamless. Love how they lead and balanced each other. Great speakers. 4
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@alikat32865 years ago I needed to hear this more than this couple knows. Extremely insightful & something i will share with my significant other. Thank you. 16
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@diahando3 years ago Investing in relationships
more curious than critical
more careful than crushing asking rather than assuming
connecting more than we correct. 5
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@christianlamb4 years ago Cultivating mindful habits like this are so crucial for a healthy and passionate relationship. Thank you for sharing this! Would love to see another few million views to ensure the message impacts more of our world. 11
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@jaymorr2414last year This was great much needed much appreciated. 1
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@thandicandy54522 years ago I like his last statement, leave the world a better place for the generations to come. Truly our behavior and choices have an effect on our children. 1
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@wellbodisalonelast year Communication will always be key so relationships can work. 1
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@kyraocity4 years ago Ive been searching for solutions to help in my relationship. Im also a senior ted fellow. Ive been watching ted and tedx talks since 2007. This was a id="hidden23"n excellently crafted talk for two. It exemplifies the content they communicate so well. It also offers simple yet valuable insights and lessons through a simple story arch. Excellent tedx talk worthy of the ted mainstage. Do you all have a book out? It reminds me of a fav quote. Intentionality without habituality is empty. Habituality without intentionality is dead. ...Expand 10
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@saarahamod84724 years ago The way he looks at her as she talks is so nice, i like that. 2
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@louiseattzs5 years ago This is amazing to hear familiar voices on youtube! Well done you two! You' ve been an inspiration to me from young. 48
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@spastaproductions4 years ago I really loved this. I do love self help and working on loving oneself and building oneself up. I get that. But let' s be honest with ourselves, the . ...Expand 21
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@OyaRevolutionary5 years ago Ace! Yes relationships are so hard but rewarding when you value each others intentions and commitment. 9
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@yourfuturestartstoday50554 years ago I can not thank you enough!
i am fascinated by the way you explain everything! Calmly, without hurry! It was a heart-to-heart communication rather . ...Expand 12
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@porksoda23424 years ago I wanna comment again and say thank you so much you two for this video and this speech. I agree that relationships are so worthy of being invested in rather . ...Expand 6
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@ilovejesus93035 years ago Sometimes personal background, how someone way raised contribute so much in how to handle relationship. If you passed from one family to another without . ...Expand 46
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@AzaliyaSan5 years ago I was really touched of their speech. I was just crying of listening of their life performance. 8
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@RellySmoove8 months ago Such a perfect couple. I am in awe. Very inspirational. 1
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@emmadelights9334 years ago I just love the way you guys talk, wow, i definitely practice these rules not knowing how important they are until i got myself listening to you both. This just strengthens every thing. 4
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@HiraMunaf-mj9xulast year Such a useful content i found today. Thank you for sharing these important tips. 1
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@leforjoseph53712 years ago Excellent delivery. Great message to comply to. 1
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@lucyhatil99404 years ago Great advice for all relationships. Fantastic! Thank you! 5
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@alliemaxwell83825 years ago Excellent talk. This should be prerequisite material for all relationships. Great work. 15
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@alisaperez37164 years ago They' re such a pleasant couple! They' re so cute! 8
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@balabriggsmere76283 years ago Dear dr andrea and jonthank you. I thank you both immensely. I found your talk on the 4 habits of all successful relationships absolutely uplifting, educative and so insightful. Thank you ever so much for sharing these amazing habits with us all. ...Expand 1
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@unusualmary4 years ago This is a great discuss. Being intentional. 8
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@joannegoodman13885 years ago I am a highly spiritual women. I am now 28months a widow after 35 yrs together. As i reflect on our time together the most significant action i took when there is a power greater than ourselves. Compassionate, merciful and wise. One need not be religious to call on this remarkable awesome force for intervention. ...Expand 210
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@samh66585 years ago Lovely talk. I guess it all comes down to being respectful, which often gets eaten up by anger and sadness. I have been working on not reacting - it is a good start. 11
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@chansirlong3 years ago Habits:
1. Be curious, not critical. When your partner' s habits grate on your nerves, invest the time to explore why they are wired differently, 2. Be careful not crushing.
during fights, work toward general resolutions and establish boundaries: agree never to hit each other, walk away angry, hang up, or threaten the dissolution of the relationship out of spite. Hold to the rules.
3. Ask don' t assume. Never assume negative intentions of a partner. And never assume they will do something and then be disappointed when they don' t.
4. Connect before you correct. People go where they feel welcomed, but stay where they feel valued. Date night maintains the fun and magic of relationship. And increases the chances of relationship survivavl. Always shift the balance to connect before correcting or introducing a problem. ...Expand 8
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@thesetruths14044 years ago You sure are truly lovely, intelligent people doing a wonderful work for families. May yahweh bless you and yours!
listeners and wisdom seekers, listen: it is true. I know from making the mistakes. 21
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@lindalester71623 years ago I really like these dr. #39; s personalities and presentation styles. 1
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@RoseA233 months ago Thanks for this great talk. I added the 4 reminders on my phone. It' s very important especially with our children.
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@shawnomalley3235 years ago Great example of assumptions from past experiences " what planet are your from? " loved it. 2
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@cadellahenry42674 years ago The timing of this talk is impeccable. I asked my husband for a divorce and he' s not taking me seriously. When your efforts don' t feel valued and . ...Expand 4
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@ibukunsings019 months ago Thanks. Appreciate hearing this. I' m on it.
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@sumatinair3 years ago People go where they feel welcome but stay where they feel valued. Just beautiful. 2
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@dipanutella26214 months ago This is a really good ted talk.
recently, i found myself agonizing on how i could keep my relationship with my best friend. He was the first one fast forward to now, and i find myself insecure in our friendship as circumstances arose. Just had a fight a week ago (right after christmas! Ikr? And i started it because i felt like he kept dismissing me when in fact i just miss him dearly. Maybe i was bordering on codependency or have an anxious attachment style but hes known me as an overthinker as i do know him as well.
these habits hopefully would make me a better friend to such an incredible guy.
i know you wont see this bro but i love you. Youre a brother to me. ...Expand
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@elizabethdjokovic26914 years ago Yes. When families breakdown the cost to society is great. The impact on children in volved can be devastating. We all have expectations before marriage . ...Expand 3
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@spurthichadharam91443 years ago So i think knowing facts and understanding each other s problems too helps us a lot. 1
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@qelli204 years ago This is one of the best ted talks i have ever seen! 5
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@williekeyes26412 years ago People always say what you don' t know won' t hurt you but in relationships it won' t help you either. You have to put the time in effort into learning the person you decided to be with. 1
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@fungaifanuelmakwarimba20543 years ago Wow indeed an amazing insight in relationship issues, it has helped me understand more on some if the little things we neglect in relationships or the . ...Expand 5
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@ladybugz48395 years ago It be great to bring this into the work environments. 3
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@TheMmiguelito5 years ago This was so beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing this video, and thank these two for sharing their gifts! 16
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@nkirksey01145 years ago Thank you! This really gave me some great places to start. 4